i probably shouldn’t have, but i did anyway

i missed your lips,
so i broke, and bought Bukowski,
(you know, the one[s] you like).
so that i could pretend you left kisses, pressed
betwixt the pages,
that maybe
they could comfort me in the night.

i missed your touch,
so i bought a men’s leather jacket,
(i know the kinds you like)
so that i could feel it hug me tight.
it has that inside pocket, perfect heart-sized
so i could reach in, just give it back (if you asked)
if we could ever make things right

 

and another, for you

innocence breeds at the tip of my tongue;
lies and lust are never enough.
we’re not really made of stardust,
just warped iron and love
steeped in rust.

I scrape my skin into the abyss,
chip and flake and rake.
everything I was, is all his.
all we did was take;
all we did was give –
funny –
I swear I lived –
but somewhere along the line
I think my heart died,
sputtered beneath your weight,
crumpled when love turned to hate.

as those perfect pearls fall from my eyes,
I suddenly remember how you said:

I always look pretty when I cry

a green light

she was a flower waiting to bloom,
a muffled growth in all that gloom.
with no knight in armor flying by,
she slowly started to wilt and die.

what gentle hands, that rich man had,
who tenderly tugged her from the earth.
he sweat and bled with love, he bragged,
and oh what blooms did she birth.

but James, my love, my precious doll,
opulence was always your downfall.
beneath his gold her petals fell,
she bowed at his feet, they hit that wall –

James, my love, my precious doll
she was only a daisy after all.

a longing

can you feel it?

that wedge, the ledge, the end
we pray, we pledge, we bend
we laugh, we mend, break and break all over again

i know you feel it –
i know you hear it –

a coveted love, lost
the last chapter, penned.

the world rose angry with me today.

I relish in the wind that whips,
I cower in the grass; wisps
of terror tangled in my mouth,
hair wild and flying all about.
my prey bounces, unaware
of the hunger in my throat,
the death awaiting him there:

a bait goat.

as I reflect,
it isn’t that innocent creature I am after –
I want to kill your laughter.
the thought turns me
b r i g h t e r,
bolder,
faster.
the sun breaks,
my spine with it.
a spirited, stunted;
a hunter, hunted;

somehow it seems nice,
to feel your bite.

untraditional

I was searching for your soul,
digging for lies, untold.
x marks the spot.
my knees bowed,
I open my mouth.

the folds of my lips twist
as your sins, I forgive.
if my body is a temple,
ravage it.
the curtain splits.

the serpent whispers,
my grit whimpers.;
hike up my mantle.
you, I could never spurn,
and to you I always return.

but,
my sight was limited
– the angels visited –
I return,
expecting your empathy.
instead I find,
the tempter has abandoned me.

across your lawn,
my body is splayed.
can you sell a body that no longer breathes?
here, I was born; and here, I was slain.
poverty pours through my frame.
empty beds know no names.
the vultures pick, the boars bray.
I become a slave:

not even my heart remains.

it is for your crimes that I now pay;
I will not last to the end of day.

wishes & statements overheard

“the problem is, I loved him and I don’t know what to do with that -”

“wait for the one”

“- and, you’re the only person I’ll tell this to – I have guilt. Over my daughter. She was a wild child, I let her go. But she’ll come back… yeah, she’ll come back”

isn’t it sweet, their innocence?
there are eyes at the bottom of my coffee;
they’re screaming for me to save myself – how can I –
when I am borne of spite and bred in doubt?

all I want is to save their souls.
I don’t mind if mine gets left out

the second, for me

starved and parched,
I watch you glisten.
stitched and zipped,
all shiny and clean.
my heart skips
and I burst at the seams.
my flaws spill,
nerves teeming,
unraveling still.
your laugh rings
sharp and shrill:

I miss those things you sing.

how oft my soul you’d pry
tuck and snip and clip my wings

a masochist’s lullaby.

the first, for you

everything was dark and deep,

the moon pressing into my pores;

if only I could breathe.

 

the ghosts of your fingers linger,

and I wonder how long you knew,

if my heart was already on that string you drew.

 

the lips that once kissed this heart that weeps

now lays our love down to rest.

you’ve been crowned and I cry defeat;

 

still those cries I keep

 

all I have is one request:

give it your all,

all your best,

lest our love survives this test.