bow, knees bent,
hands twisted,
dripping with sweat –
pray the fine divine takes
back what wasn’t mine
to begin with.
“peasants, kings, bend
before my feet –
kneel, girl,
accept defeat.”
I bathe in the lake
of my sins;
to each their own holy water
(mine just happens
to go by the name of gin).

drink the blood
break the bread
worship the flesh
drown in the flood

and I smoke when I’m hungry
(which lately is all the time)
maybe I’m hoping to die, or
maybe if I stay thin,
I can squeeze through these
bars you put me in.
maybe if I happily grin
I can slip out of this
hell in which I’m pinned.
I cry holy,
I cry sanctuary,
again and again.
there’s only this wretch,
this turmoil within.
laughter, from Emmanuel:
my savior, my kin.

oh

gloat.
your gleam,
lost in my throat,
my lids thick with grief;
my mouth locked with disbelief.
someone throw the switch
between brain and
beating heart.
all this thinking doesn’t seem
too smart.
i rumble and tumble
and run back to the start –
we breathe, we bask, we part.
it’s all i know,

it’s all i wrote.

holy

warm nose kisses and
gentle monday bliss,
pieces of you scattered in
my bones; my eyes
swollen with love,
wrapped, maybe trapped,
beneath those scarred arms.
throw the curtains over my lids;
crush my heart between your teeth.
that love is thick and lush,
marbles in my mouth:
a sleeping stupor wrestling,
waning and waxing,
cresting,
pausing in judgement
picking the moment
in which to come out.

edges and ends

the edges of your lips huff, fluff, and bluff.
what is it that you hide from me?
help me understand.

cling to your sockets and
empty out your lungs;
tell me everything.
we yanked and plucked and
scrubbed and buffed
until the yard of my heart was pretty,
perfectly clipped and tucked.
what a vision I was to you,
a perfect little princess
all shiny and new.
what is it that I did,
to make you forget what I’d do?
anything, anything, anything for you.
I felt you embellish your tongue,
I heard you falter when
you’d tell me I’m enough.
I felt it coming, I knew it true
when you slit those threads
threatening to come loose.
still for you, I bleed, I bled –
for you, I still wait,
still you, I salute.

strangers

I wish I knew you; I’d run right up to you, and ask what to do. I’d listen to your truths, try to be less blue, tear at my flesh until it was all new – new. Our bodies pass and I swear I feel your soul jolt through me; it doesn’t matter what I’ve done, it just matters what we become. 

yet another 

we live, we eat, we die.

I sit and wonder why

you don’t love me 

like you used to.

we love, we laugh, we cry.

my demons never pacified,

I birth myself anew.

mold and fold this skin

to be perfect for you.

truths are ruthless

IMG_0550.JPGthey hover underneath your breath,

caged but not really tamed:

I hear them lingering between your teeth,

watch them thrash as they slash

your tongue. and even if you claimed

these truths that hold you captive,

nothing would change.

slumber snatches me,

I wait I wait I wait

for you to grab my waist

and tell me it was all a game –

flesh is mush and

hearts were made for breaking.

it’s raining.

no matter how much I stray,
no matter how much we change,
it’s funny how we manage to stay the same.

i think of you.

apathy pumps through my heart,
ecstasy turned anaesthetic;
a pathetic way to restart.

the thing about you and me –
all my broken pieces
fit so perfectly
into you.
I’m worried –
no one could ever
truly see me
the way you do.
it was a perfect dance,
they way you’d break my body
patch me back together,
leaving yourself
pressed between my seams.
I don’t know how to be,
all I am is you
all I am is you
all I am is you

you called me naive

I know you see me.

I know your soul
and I know your bones.
I know the prayers you make in the night,
and I know your need to be alone.
I know what’s wrong and I know what’s right,
I know we’ve been down this road.
where I found death, you found respite;
you live, you dream, you grow.

I shrink, I grieve, I die.
I want to make you sick,
and I want you to know;

your embrace was the perfect home,
and I’m angry that now I’m alone.